The Self-Help Kool-Aid Acid Test
There’s an alarming amount of Fox-news style drama swirling around the self-help industry right now. Be very afraid.
If a writer or news organization can scare you, and then convince you that they’ll keep you informed and safe, then they’ve got you. You’ll sit at home cowering in the blue light of your TV screen (or computer), and they’ll have a captive audience to sell to.
Even when you don’t know they’re selling.
I can’t see where buying into the fear is serving you. Can you?
Now, we’re seeing the same kind of fear mongering aimed at the self-help industry.
Looking back at all the crap we’ve been told to be scared of: Y2K, weapons of mass destruction, commies, end of the world, all the various types of flu, socialism, our guns confiscated- none of which have been an issue in the real world- it’s about time to call B.S. On the fear factor.
Let’s look at this scary thing called the self-help industry, shall we?
The most visible and tragic occurrence in the self-help industry at the moment is the deaths that happened at a James Ray event. The event included a sweat lodge. Several people died in the sweat lodge.
Yes, it’s tragic. However, it’s also perplexing.
I’ve participated in sweat lodge ceremonies. I didn’t die. I found it invigorating.
James Ray has included sweat lodge ceremonies in other events and nobody died.
Several people popped out of the sweat lodge at Ray’s event feeling great.
Why did people die at this particular event? So far, nobody can answer that question. And yet, the bloggers are saying overtly and the news channels are hinting that James Ray committed a premeditated act of murder.
I don’t know. You don’t know. The police, presumably, are working on it and when the facts are in we will know. Until then, it’s all conjecture.
Personally, I doubt it.
My opinion is that it was a tragic accident. I’ll bet you I’m right. Any takers?
An attempt is being made to craft a specious argument: ”people died at a James Ray event. James Ray is in the self-help industry. Therefore, the self-help industry kills people, is a bad thing, and must be stopped.”
That’s like saying that just because the U.S. military produced one cowardly convicted felon like Oliver North, then all soldiers are are cowardly convicted felons and we must dismantle the U.S. military.
It’s dumb.
Another aspect of the James Ray story is the price of the event. It was almost $10,000. Today at lunch, the restaurant’s TV was tuned to the Fox news channel and the bubble-headed bleached blond who was reading the “news” was appalled that he would charge that much. Her incredulous look and arched eyebrows practically convicted him on the spot.
Here’s a piece of news for you. And I mean REAL news, not “fair and balanced” news. Lots of self-help and marketing experts charge that much- and much more- for events. It can be a bargain.
Let’s look at it from an Internet Marketing standpoint, since that’s my main niche and the business I’m most familiar with.
A good idea, coupled with effective marketing, can make you hundreds of thousands of dollars. A great idea, coupled with brilliant marketing, can make you millions of dollars over a weekend. I’ve seen it done.
By the way- in business, we keep score with dollars. Go read “Atlas Shrugged” if that confuses you. I’ll wait.
So, if you could spend a weekend with say, Dan Kennedy, Frank Kern, Armand Morin or any of the group of people who make that kind of money on a regular basis, what would that be worth? I can tell you what it costs- it’s a lot more than $10,000. Try buying three days of Armand’s time for ten grand. He’ll laugh in your face.
If I could have an evening with Richard Branson, for example, I’d pay ten grand without blinking and be grateful for the opportunity.
Give me six hours. I’ll buy dinner and drinks. Sir Richard and I would look at my business where it is right now and discuss where I want to take it- and Sir Richard would explain how to achieve my goals, what resources I need and where to find them, and possibly introduce me to some people who could help me get it done. If I couldn’t turn that $10,000 evening into a million dollars in six months, I’d…. well, I’d be very surprised. I’d bet a another ten grand that I could do it.
Sir Richard won’t take that offer. Six hours of his time, if he could be bothered to sell it, would go for a LOT more than $10,000. And still be a bargain.
Dr. Joe Vitale charges $5,000 to attend his Rolls Royce Mastermind evenings. I’ve participated in several, and have been paid well for it. In every instance that I’ve witnessed, the customer has walked away from the evening with much more than $5K in value. I’ve seen complete business plans designed in the course of an evening.
These evenings can last over five hours, depending on the circumstances. If I’m along, it’s a good deal because my “bill rate” for consulting is $1,000 an hour. Joe’s is much higher.
The most recent one I attended involved a very bright writer who needed focus and guidance on finishing, publishing, promoting and building a business on his books. He left that Rolls Royce with a smile on his face and a very powerful plan of action.
I predict that he’ll make a LOT more than $5K when he acts on what he learned that night.
You can quantify the received value, and it’s worth more than it cost. A bargain.
The self-improvement industry is similar, but there are some differences.
The main difference is how you keep score.
Like I said above, in business we keep score with dollars. I know several entrepreneurs who have more than enough money, and they keep on playing the game. I understand why. It’s fun.
Coming up with an idea, packaging and promoting it, and then seeing that idea magically transformed into a stream of dollar bills feels real good. Not as good as watching your children play. Not as good as quality time spent with your loved ones. But, it beats the hell out of a round of golf, I can tell you.
The self-improvement industry keeps score differently.
How do you quantify a mind-changing moment that gives you a new frame on the world? What’s that worth?
What dollar value do you put on peace of mind? What is a deep spiritual experience worth?
I don’t know the answer for you. You don’t know the answer for me- or for anybody else. It’s worth what it’s worth to the person who experiences it.
To bring it back to my own personal experience, which is the only experience I’m qualified to have an opinion about, let’s talk about meditation.
I’ve meditated (off and on… it’s a practice) since I was 16 years old. I find it useful.
I have a mentor who occasionally hangs out with the Dalai Lama. She learned a meditation technique from the Dalai Lama and taught it to me. It blew my mind.
Seriously. After decades of practicing meditation, I learned one strategy second-hand that increased the value of my practice immediately.
What’s that worth?
Furthermore, by deepening my meditation practice, I’ve also deepened and enriched my life. I’m more focused. I’m more mindful. I experience life on a level that I couldn’t even have guessed at previously.
What’s that worth?
What if I could spend three days with the Dalai Lama? He’s dedicated his life to perfecting his meditation practice and has access to centuries of arcane metaphysical training. Would I pay $10,000 for that?
In a heartbeat. And I’d be grateful for the opportunity.
That’s how the self-help industry works. Now, you might not get the same value from that weekend that I would. I’ve got decades of practice to build on. It would be right for me and not right for you.
However, you might get a similar life-enhancing experience from a weekend with Michael Beckwith, Tony Robbins, Joel Osteen, Dr. Joe Vitale, or some other self-help teacher.
What they charge is a function of how valuable their time is. How valuable their time is is a function of how many people they’ve helped, how many people want their help right now, and what the market will bear.
For a self-help teacher, their teaching is their business.
In business, we keep score with dollars, remember?
Personal note- in conversation with my mentor who taught me the meditation technique, I told her that “this isn’t my incarnation for sainthood.” We both laughed. I’ have deep respect for spiritual teachers who take a vow of poverty and dedicate their lives to helping others. I’m not one of them.
This brings us to “O’Bryan’s theorum of wealth.” It goes like this: ”dependents are capable of spending more than you’re capable of making, regardless of how much you make. Their knowledge of your income isn’t necessary for this theorum to apply.” copyright 2009, Pat O’Bryan, all rights reserved. ;)
I read somewhere that Joel Osteen has a fleet of private jets. Tony Robbins and Richard Branson have private islands. Dr. Joe Vitale has a fleet of sports cars, including a Rolls Royce.
Personally, I find that reassuring. They all teach prosperity. Would you want to learn prosperity from someone who isn’t prosperous?
So, Joel Osteen has some jets. Does that mean that his teachings are somehow tainted by the fact that he’s prospered from teaching prosperity? Thousands of people line up each Sunday to learn more. Are they getting ripped off?
Nope. It’s worth what it costs to them. And, they’re the only ones who get to vote. You don’t get an opinion on somebody else’s spiritual journey. If it’s not worth it to you, don’t go.
Dan Kennedy is a snarly old curmudgeon who probably knows more about marketing than anybody else on the planet. I’m irritated by his politics, but I buy his books on sight. I’ve got shelves of them.
I recently heard a great story about him.
When somebody asks Dan for a handout he asks them, “name the last five self-help books you’ve read.”
When they say they haven’t read any and can’t afford them Dan points in the direction of the library. ”Go read some, you can do it for free in the library.”
In my own experience (again- that’s the only experience I’m qualified to comment on) I’ve found self-help material to be very valuable. Bill Hibbler gave me a box of cassette tapes of a Tony Robbins seminar over a decade ago. I listened to them over and over. They changed the way I see the world, in a good way. Opened the door to Richard Bandler, Robert Cialdini, and other interesting teachers.
“The Power of Impossible Thinking,” Steve Siebold’s “Mental Toughness” books, Stephen Mitchell’s “2nd Book of the Tao,” “The Tao of Willie,” are just a few books that are by my night stand. Those are self-help books. They’r a product of the self-help industry. The people who created them were compensated for doing so.
What you put into your mind will determine what tools you have to experience the world with. There’s a lot of easy to digest crap available for you to put in your mind. My advice is to avoid it. Seek out people, books, videos, and experiences that give you precise tools for making sense of your life. As your tools improve, your experience improves- and your life improves.
My experience (which is the only experience I’m qualified to have an opinion on, remember?) is that self-help books, audios, videos and seminars are EXTREMELY valuable- essential- to improving my self.
In the case of some of those products, I should probably drop a check in the mail to the author. I’ve gotten a lot more than $19 (or whatever it cost) worth of value out of Steve Siebold’s 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class: The Thought Processes, Habits and Philosophies of the Great Ones.
There are others that are just as valuable.
It’s your choice. It’s your life. What do you want that life to be? It will be the direct result of how you spend your time, and what tools you have to translate that life into a coherent narrative for yourself.
Now, that leaves you with a decision to make.
Every moment is a decision point. Each choice you make includes an opportunity cost- if you do “this,” then you can’t do “that.”
Each decision leads to a new, unique life which contains the next decision. Each choice deletes some possibilities and creates others. Your life is the cumulative result of those choices.
One major choice is how you spend your time.
You can spend your time helping yourself. Learning strategies that will help you achieve your goals, whatever they are. Or you can spend your time hooked up to the drip-feed and/or snarking.
Here’s another quote from my meditating mentor: ”The fact of your death is known. The time of your death is not known. What, then, will you do?”
31 Responsesto “The Self-Help Kool-Aid Acid Test”
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Thanks to the Internet, now you have the ability to research lots of information about just anything in order to keep yourself informed.
As many people say, no one but those involved in the mentioned sweat lodge incidents know exactly what happened, and who is to blame for the horrible reality of the families of those who sadly passed away.
Hopefully, the truth will be known soon.
Yes, you just can’t judge someone or his actions based on biased pieces of information, and it’s up to everyone to choose if we are going to make up a version in our minds about James Ray’s responsibility in the horrible events that took place.
In my opinion, we should take Tim Leary’s advice and think for ourselves and question authority.
Pat, thank you for such an insightful and provocative post. Agree with you completely. All best, and happy holidays. – D
Yep. Test. Test. Test.
Hi Terry- I tried an experiment and it didn’t work. We’ve returned to our regularly scheduled programming.
Pat, Where are all the comments? What changed?
Valeria- you’re absolutely right.
The way I see it, there are two kinds of people in this world. Neither good nor bad, but incompatible.
There are people who consume and relish the frequencies of fear, anger, and hate.
Then there are those who consume and delight in the frequencies of love, calm, and bliss.
These two kinds of people look the same on the outside. The only way you can tell is by the drama, or lack thereof, surrounding them.
The problem is that fear-eaters tend to prey on bliss-eaters. The poor folks who thrive on joy and light can’t figure out why the others are so….rabid.
But that’s it — they like those other frequencies. As I said, that’s not good or bad. It’s neutral. However, for them to consume the food they like, they have to cause the rest of us harm in some way.
It makes us feel bad to produce those vibes. It makes them feel good. Incompatible.
That’s why I don’t argue anymore. Arguing gives the fear-eaters, the anger-eaters, something to consume. It doesn’t change their minds — they don’t WANT to change. They don’t WANT life to be easy — struggle and drama are much more fun.
Often they will lie about this. They know the rest of us look down on people who cause chaos for the pure pleasure of it.
So now I have learned to ignore them. I don’t engage them. I figure if enough of us do that — en masse — they will have to consume each other. Then we’ll be rid of them for good!
It’s possible that I could be a little misguided. Perhaps there are some fear-eaters who don’t want to be; who grew up learning this and didn’t know there was another way. However, they have still encased themselves with wall upon wall of illusion. You can almost FEEL the density of their rigid thought!
Personally, I have a hard time imagining this could feel good. Why go through life with your battle armor on?
Doesn’t it feel nicer to allow the warm sun to embrace your skin?
P.S. I learned this lesson the hard way – by being married to someone whose behavior would be a point of pride to one of Satan’s senior demons!
Sandra, thanks!
I encourage those who are enjoying their outrage at that one tragic event join us in our efforts to actually make changes for the better in areas where we can actually make a difference.
It’s not as much fun, but it feels better in the long run.
Finally…a rational and intelligent conversation about this subject! I love all your responses, Pat.(I thought I was reading my own mind, for a minute
I also agree with KK and feel saddened by “the ugliness” of some people. So many self righteous coming out to attack and crucify James Ray–based on their own opinions, without any real facts.
It amazes me that so many people are giddy with anticipation on how badly James Ray will suffer for his wrongdoing! JR may still be breathing, but he has lost every aspect of the life he once knew and surely he and his family are already paying dearly in many different ways. Sadly, many people rejoice in that fact. Human nature at its best! Pathetic.
Mountain Jim- just saw your post-
“demand caused by the supplier?”
well, isn’t that the rationale for the war on drugs?
never made sense to me.
That was quite a lengthy rant… Mostly I agree with you observations. The best part is the Dalai Lama meditation. How can we try it? –
And mention of Cool-aid — I remember Jonestown where they experimented with mind control. I worked with the military in the Canal Zone at that time. It was common knowledge that the CIA was evolved to see how far people would go following the orders of their guru. Those who did not take the cool aid were shot. It left quite a mess to clean up. It did not make the press…
So why did some die in the sweat lodge and others did not. Maybe it was something they ate before. I heard they were fed a full meal after fasting for 24 hours, then the sauna! Hummm?
Keep up the excellent blog work! I writing a Law of Attraction Ebook to help golfers have even more success. Paul Hobart also from the unseminar6 is helping, as well as several others. I’m looking for other golfers to read the book.
Looking forward to the dvd’s or cd’s from the unseminar6!
Thanks
The self help industry is well named. Yet without authors, it really would be self help. I am thankful for the books Ive read that have prised open my sometimes reluctant mind to consider more possibilities for my life than my education (in all forms) managed to achieve. I don’t mind at all that the language used in self help books and blogs etc is simple and easily read. Sophistication in language is no proof of intelligence or superiority. In fact I suspect the opposite is true. Give me the simple unpretentious elevated view anytime
Thanks Pat excellent blog post.
Is demand created by the supplier? “Self help” is just another industry, with marketplace dynamics.
From my view, for the most part it can do some real good for some people (including myself). And of course, it can appear to do some bad…like the James Ray incident.
Yin/Yang.
My thought: we’re here to experience duality! Enjoy the ride…
http://mtnjimfisher.com/general/enjoy-the-ride
KK- yea. I know.
My hope for you is that you’ll be able to attract a LOT of good, intelligent non-haters into your life.
You may have to delete some haters to make room. It’s worth it.
Hi Pat,
Thank you for sharing your opinion on the James Ray tragedy. I have been a little taken aback by the ugliness some people have come out with, especially on Twitter – about something that I really do not think anyone intended to happen. The whole thing is sad – on all fronts. I remain a follower of Mr Ray and appreciate that you are supportive.
Re – the haters. I spend most of my waking hours surrounded by them. Fox advocates, Bush portraits on the wall, and nasty Obama emails all around. I have learned that the best way to get along is to stay out of it. They know not to send me that crap. I try not to get in their face too much either. It is sad, but necessary, if I am to stay sane.
I LOVE YOU!
The thing that really bums me out when I spend time thinking about it, is how easy it is for people to be “haters”. It’s sad, really. There is this lack of love and lack of compassion and this obsessive rush to judgment…it also comes complete with a strange disdain for the positive! What a crappy package!
The default mode for the planet seems to be limitation and mediocrity. It really kinda sucks (for lack of a more clever phrase)
However (big inspirational transition), it is totally cool that the power of the positive and the inner strength that makes all things possible is accessible to any of us if we just have the guts and desire and the persistence to dig deep and embrace it.
We’ll win this crazy battle if we all stay focused and continue to attract others. The truth is, once someone wakes up and understands that they can have control over themselves, the reasons to be a pessimistic butt head start to fade away…
I hope that made sense…
Philla Said:
“Maybe it’s crazy, but I have the feeling that as long as I’m building my business as a conscious outreach of service from vision and values, rather than primarily from the drive to profit, they’ll succeed.”
I don’t think it’s crazy at all. I really think that being with yourself, and your calling is a key to attracting anything. Remember that to make the law of attraction work we have to be clear of anything, conscious or unconscious, which is blocking us from getting the thing we want to attract. If the thing you’re trying to attract, or the way you’re approaching it, is not congruent with who you really are, that’s an awfully big block. And it should be a big block.
I think the real problem is that paying attention to who you really are, and who you were called to become is in some ways very unfashionable in this culture. We’re taught that there is an “right way” to do things, that right way is cultural norms and programming rather than who we really are.
In fact, this issue was a major turnoff for me when I first saw The Secret. I guess it felt to me like it was about creating whatever and you sort of felt like going after. I think some of that is okay, some of it’s even good, but I think there’s an important step about checking for congruence with who you really are that so important. Now that doesn’t mean that toys aren’t okay, at least for some people. From my perspective, it seems not only congruent but important to who Joe Vitale is that he collects cars. I don’t think that makes him any less spiritual. I’ll stop now since I’m sort of getting into rehashing of what I posted on my blog, so if you want to read more I’ll direct you there.
http://andydolph.com/2009/12/09/self-help-enlightenment-money-and-truth/
Be well,
Andy
LOL. I’ll be your frog any ole time!
Thanks!
Pat, I have not said before, and for that I apologize, but your writing always makes me smile. There is a certain Douglas Adams flair that I enjoy, plus a big fan of dry humor.
As far as the post, haters are a sad bunch. They seem h*ll bent on destruction, but the question is whose? They seek to vilify others yet it only shows their own insecurity, anger and hatred. Mainly insecurity. These “pot stirrers” stir up trouble, which sucks people in, yet their true colors can’t help but show.
Today, even. You need money so you are selling an “Attracting Money” book. Yes, selling it attracts money to me. SO THERE.
But it also reminds me of the frog and scorpion fable. The frog agrees to help the scorpion, only to get stung, because that it’s nature. Their nature is to attack, it’s a reflection of them and their own insecurities. And seeing that some friends were scorpions I am looking for some frogs. Thank you for being a frog.
That’s my rant.
MJ
Good point, Maggie. I’ve asked several of them to share their accomplishments.
Apparently, they don’t have any.
I agree that their time would be better spent doing than snarking.
And congratulations! Keep on rocking.
The one key to any persons success is by taking ACTION. I have heard this from every mentor, guru and respected person in the field of LOA and Internet Marketing. I can’t help but wonder, if these “snarkers” took as much time taking ACTION in channeling their anger and jealousy into positives as they do badgering people, how successful might they be? Then they could stop complaining.
In any business, you have taught me, we have to be passionate about what we do and what products we create. If our goal is to help people, then helping people is a priority but, you are no help to anyone without helping yourself. These “haters” are of no use when the person they hate the most may very well be themselves. It’s sad in many ways. Good things will come back to you two fold when you omit positives to those around you.
I commend your perspective. I respect your opinion I marvel at your patience and am proud to call you friend. Onward and Upward,
Maggie
Phila- thanks!
It is important for the inner and outer to be in alignment, especially if you’re blending service with commerce.
I think you’re on the right track now.
Provocative, insightful post…having spent a lot of time in self-improvement communities, I’ve seen the money/spirituality/improvement issue showing up again and again.
First of all, the issue with the Sedona sweatlodge for me is not that people were paying James Ray for the weekend, but the nature of the sweatlodge involved. Like you, I’ve done sweats – my husband was a Sundancer, water pourer and Pipe carrier – and my basic approach to life is deeply affected by this path.
The response of Chief Arvol Looking Horse, Keeper of the Buffalo Calf Pipe (the original Pipe) to the Sedona lodge is given here.
My experience of the lodge, and the teaching my husband received and passed on, has always been one of personal giveaway so that the people could live – and money had absolutely no part of that. Especially, one **never** charged for ceremony…that was the hallmark of the “plastic shaman” or exploiter of Native tradition.
I’ve also spent time trying to work with the LOA (over this core cultural conflict)…seemed the more time I focused on offering packaged services and products with a view to profit, the worse things got. I’m sure there were a lot of LOA reasons for this – I was motivated by need, etc. – but the core problem was that I was struggling to do business *superficially* based on service to People and Planet, but specifically for money, and failing miserably.
Finally, I let go of that whole ethos – basically kicked it to the curb; it just wasn’t working for me. And I accepted the fact that what I really want is a total way of being that’s very much based on the Native environmental/social pattern of spiritual interaction, *and* the fact that this probably isn’t going to get me rich…that given my approach to things, I had a choice between living *out* of integrity with my values, focusing on making money, or living *in* integrity, focusing on service.
I chose the service path – and paradoxically that was when things opened up for me. Your coaching program showed up; copywriting clients started to show up again; I won my first major product sale. And I landed a PT job with an amazing social-service program program that may demand my full range of skills. I’m seeing the promise of simple prosperity in the context of meaningful service, and I’m feeling happier and more fulfilled than I have in ages.
In some ways this turnaround bears out the LOA – abundance coming when I let go of the neediness, lack, etc. and focus on what makes me feel good. And I still have no way to relate to the driving “business for money” model of Think and Grow Rich – it simply doesn’t compute for me, however well it may for others.
Maybe it’s crazy, but I have the feeling that as long as I’m building my business as a conscious outreach of service from vision and values, rather than primarily from the drive to profit, they’ll succeed.
In any case, I appreciate your willingness to address the question in all its complexity rather than embroidering on “The Secret” dogma. Thanks for that!
Phila
Fresh Green Image
Andy- that’s an impressively evolved way to look at it.
Thanks!
in response to your rant -
I have to think that these people’s snarkiness comes from their own pain and anger at themselves for not being able to be who they “should” be in their own expectations.
Gary Craig (developer of EFT) likes to talk about how people who hurt us are basically always doing the best they can based on who or what is “on their buss” the programing and experience they cary with them.
I think there’s no such thing as a bad person, rather a person acting the only way they see as making sense based on the lousy programing they have…
Now, it’s their responsibility to figure that out and deal with it by whatever means are necessary, but that they haven’t doesn’t mean they are bad – just that they haven’t figured out that they have lousy programing, and that they can do something about it.
Andy
http://binauraljourneys.com
Geoff, Trapper- thanks!
I think you hit the nail on the head Pat.
Through meditation I have also come to a much more peaceful and centered me. What that is worth for someone else, I have no idea, but I know what it’s worth to me and my health.
What matters is what we put on it for a value at a certain price, and nobody else’s business.
T
I have ranted, been negative, railed about things I knew nothing about and put energy into disliking (I don’t think I’ve ever really hated) other human beings.
I have also taught, been positive, inspired people, learned and brought people forward with my learning, and put energy into loving, forgiving, supporting and being grateful for other human beings.
I can say from first hand experience, the second model is a more powerful one.
I wrote a short poem many years ago, called “On Meeting A Businessman On the Street in Downtown Spokane”:
Hello.
What?
I said, hello.
Fuck you!
How sad.
I wonder why his life
Has been so bad.
[...] O’Bryan just made what I think is a really insightful post on his blog. I’m not going to summarize what he said here, I’ll let you read it for yourself. (And [...]
Thanks, Chris!
I so agree. The people that complain the most are broke. Usually dead broke. Dead broke and loud.
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
If only they spent that energy doing something, anything to really work on themselves they would make a lot of money.
BTW, loved your rant.